Friendships are an essential part of teenagers’ life. Though friendships are normally grown out of commonality, oftentimes end up being in friendships that are toxic. These kinds of friendships can be damaging and may cause a lot of pain. While there is a thin line between friends and frenemy – a friend who is mean and manipulative, it is very common for teenagers to fall into that kind of relationship.
Friend Or Frenemy: Spotting The Difference
The difference between true friendship and frenemies is very subtle. This is why children find it hard to understand what goes on at the surface level. Kids in their adolescent age are only beginning to understand social interactions and it’s know how’s of building a good social life. This is the time when they crave a sense of autonomy. So it is fair from their perspective to have an opinion and stand by it irrespective of what the real situation is. In other words, their definition of friendship can be totally different from what an adult refers to as friendship.
And because of this, teachers, school counsellors, and parents need to handle the child with a gentle approach. Counselling Courses for Teachers can help educators to understand teenage psychology. To prevent children from developing toxic and dependent relationships, we can simply talk about it like we talk about bullying or sex education. You can begin by briefing out the difference between what healthy friendship looks like and how to know when they develop frenemies around them:
Conflict Is Normal, But Control Is Not
- Frenemies thrive on power – when the control seems overwhelming and the child does not get to have an opinion to express themselves.
- Frenemies can be aggressive and has a habit of talking behind the back.
- Unhealthy friendship looks manipulative – there is always a give and take policy.
- When children lose their sense of freedom on what to wear, what to eat, and who they can be friends with.
How To Help Child Deal With Toxic Friendships!
Spotting toxic friendships and dealing with them is often very personal. Especially since there is a lot of emotions involved. A lot of this comes from how children are brought up, their experiences in life, and also how familiar they are with the concept of kindness and compassion. If any kids on your radar are dealing with such toxic friendship, start having an open conversation about how they are doing and if they are facing any difficulty in their life! Your first priority is to provide a safe space to the child. Whether or not he/she shares anything is up to them. Don’t try to push too hard. Once you build that rapport and help the kid to understand you as the counselor can help, the later part becomes more easy to carry on.
When And How To Intervene!
Since this kind of toxic behavior starts within friend groups, it is essential to know intervention cannot come from a place of being too pushy. However, helping the child is as important as giving them the space they need. when a child has unknowingly developed a frenemy relationship, have a private conversation on how pain and stress from friendship are okay. At the beginning of the stage, they can get a bit defensive and deny the true facts. Your job is to only listen and not pass any judgment or statement that can cause them to avoid having any future conversations.
After a certain period of time, encourage them to have some space from their space and use more time on themselves. Instead of trying to separate their bond try to help them understand what healthy boundaries are. You can also inspire them to build more friendships, connect with more people and explore new interests.
Promote Healthy Friendship Boundaries
Boundaries are good for all of us. It helps us to keep ourselves stay positive and healthy. Establishing good boundaries is also a sign of healthy interpersonal relationships. And when it comes to teenage kids, helping them understand what boundaries are and how it actually supports life in better ways—is going to be the gateway for them to build good friendships.
Setting personal boundaries is very personal for each and everybody. Overall, kids need to understand and introspect a bit about what makes them feel centered. With that, they can set grounding intention on what is acceptable to them and what is not. Also allow them to sync into the image of a sense of freedom, honesty, and liberation.
In this time and age of social media, kids can find it hard to understand what boundary is at all. Our role as adults in their lives is to be a role model and also a support system to them without the presence of any judgment. When we talk about good friends and healthy boundaries, we can also help them know how speaking about their feeling and making things clear can work like a charm! Often time’s boundaries can seem unclear to other people. Kids need to know that speaking clearly about their boundaries is always an option.
Final Words
Friendship and true connections are divine. As we grow old, friendship can be a great pillar in our lives. Talking about friendship with kids is always an important part of assisting them to develop good social understanding and skills. Simple conversations can often allow that scope to give a fuller picture holistically. Most of all, kids need to have a clear understanding of the qualities of a good relationship –
Honestly, respect and love.
Counselling Courses for Teachers are integral for both teachers and school counsellor to learn and incorporate strategies to help adolescent learners learn and develop interpersonal skills.
Written By : Samantha Kanth
